Thoughts

Pondering...

2010-09-02T14:31:00.000-04:00

Thinkin about revitalizing this blog....
I miss honest writing...
I just may have to start up again. :)

Last post

2009-07-12T18:46:00.003-04:00

So this will be the last post I make on this blog.

We started a new one for our family which will consist of whatever but most likely will be about the pregnancy and the baby once he/she arrives. We wanted our family and friends who live far away to be able to keep up.

Our New Blog

Can you tell yet??

2009-05-17T14:40:00.002-04:00

Okay so I know you can't really tell too much maybe, but I can. :) (and I'm not even poochin' it out in that pic).

Here is my question tho....How can my tummy be getting bigger and I STILL haven't gained any weight?? I guess they say that's normal but I just don't get it. Weird.

Anyway, this is about 11 and 1/2 weeks along. Made it to 3 months!

I went to the Dr. this last week cause of some weird pain I was having. They wanted to see if I had a bladder infection which it doesn't look like I do and I'm not really having any problems anymore so hopefully that was that. The cool thing was they did an unscheduled ultrasound just to be sure everything was ok with the baby and I got to see it move! That may not be a big deal to all of you who have seen that lots of times but I wasn't expecting it and it was so cool. I asked the tech. if she was doing that (haha) and she said no it was the baby. It did not apparently want its heart rate checked because it would turn away and face its back to us every time she tried to get it. Eventually, we got some cooperation tho and everything looked good. We have 2 arms and 2 legs, haha, so thats nice to know. :)

6 more months...this takes forever. ;) It is nice to start noticing some changes though.

Just In Case

2009-05-03T17:04:00.004-04:00

Well, I'm not sure if I need to post this cause only like 2 people read this and I'm pretty sure they both know, haha, but we are going to have a baby! :)

1st doctors visit was last week and I am about 9 weeks along. Due date is Dec. 5th.

We are very excited! (everyone keeps asking me how Chris feels and I promise - he is excited!)

I go back to the Dr. at 12 weeks so hopefully things are still going well then.

So far I've just been tired, eating random things but nothing too weird I don't think, and I have some cramping off and on.

I can tell when I look at myself that my stomach area is different but I don't think others can tell too much yet. No weight gain yet.

So theres all the news. Big changes coming!

Ps - We aren't telling people whether its a boy or girl so no asking. :) Sorry!

Coupon Nerd

2009-03-22T21:03:00.007-04:00

So in the last 6 months I have become a coupon fanatic....yes, I know it sounds silly to some people. I would have thought so too a year ago. Collecting and using coupons on a regular basis seemed like a weird "soccer mom" thing to do. BUT, I am all about good deals so when we started getting the Sunday paper I decided to give it a whirl. And I'm hooked.

Not that anyone cares, haha, but I thought I would share my experience today.

K-Mart does "double coupons" every month or so. They will double the value of manufacturers coupons up to and including $2. I am NOT a K-mart shopper usually....in fact, the only time I go is when they have double coupon days, but it is definitely worth it.

We live on a budget, and couponing helps A LOT.

Today I went on a K-mart run to take advantage of the double coup. days and this is how I came out.

Everything pictured above, which includes:

Dove Shampoo

Dove Conditioner

Suave Shampoo

Gillette Mens Shampoo

Gillette Mens Body Wash

ReNuZit Odor Eliminator Spray

Natures Source Bathroom Cleaner

Glade Carpet Refresher

Cling Toilet Cleaner

2 Satincare Shave Gels

2 Secret Deodarants

Cascade Rinse Agent

Nyquil

2 Fridge Pack Arm & Hammer Baking Sodas

Crest Toothpaste

Halls Cough Drops

Irish Spring Body Wash

2 Packs of Carefree Liners

4 Pk Soliel Razors

Thats 23 Items. Keep in mind these are all name brand items. The Dove and Gillette shampoos alone cost $4 to $5 each at full price.

Anyway, my original balance was EXACTLY $69.00 before tax.

After Coupons, I paid $20.18 total!! Heck yes!

:) I am proud of myself.

Our K-mart doesn't have much available as far as groceries go, but most grocery stores around here double coupons up to $.60 anyway, so I always take advantage of that too.

My Friend Susan is a coupon fanatic as well. She blogged about it once and I got inspired on how to best organize my coupons from her. It's frustrating to try to use them if you don't have a good system down, and hers works for me.

At least I know SHE will appreciate this blog, even if no one else does. Ha!

(I don't think anyone reads this anyway)

Honestly, if anyone is living on a budget, or trying to save where possible, there is no good reason not to start using coupons. They are available, lots of free online ones & they come cheap with the cost of a sunday paper. Just give it a try.

As much as Chris prefers not to do the shopping with me, he appreciates the effort to save. And in the 6 months or so I have been doing this, I have saved hundreds between groceries, medicines, and hygiene items.

A Little Help Please....

2009-03-07T15:53:00.000-05:00

Yeah, it's been a while, so I will just go ahead and explode on this one... :)

Ok - I have a question. God has most definitely been teaching me over the past couple of years. I have been stretched in learning to love people who are experiencing real need (in other words, those who have obvious needs that aren't being met for them but that ARE met for most of us)....to the point that my passion has been multiplied for loving them. I have had opportunities to act on that passion through Chris's job in a big way. There are so many children and families that we have gotten to know that just need someone to give them a break or to tell them that we care or to give them a little hope or somewhere to just be a kid and have fun. I love that.

Unfortunately, I have also seen a lot that I cannot stomach. I have heard comments and seen actions that are so degrading, so judgemental, so hateful, so hurtful....and the problem is - they have all come from professing Christians.

Now, I know that these things happen. I know that no one is perfect and I know that there will always be mistakes....but I WISH that I was only talking about occasional situations. IT'S ALL THE TIME. (Ok, not constantly, but just too much for me to take). My stomach is literally turning flips right now thinking about how much it disturbs me. It breaks my heart because not only are these fellow Christians, they are often times people I know and have had respect for.

My questions is - what do I do with this???

For a while, it just angered me. It is unexplainable behavior in terms of our purpose on this earth and the call we have from Jesus Christ. I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing and it just made me angry. (and obviously still does).

THEN, it made me resolve to do the opposite. I am not perfect by any means, but I want to be sure that I am not writing anyone off with my comments or actions. I want to give grace and opportunity to those in need.

NOW, I am at a new point. I know that I don't want to be that way. I know that I want to love those in need. But someone PLEASE help me to love blind-sighted Christians! I know that statement may sound horrible, and I don't mean it to sound that way. I just mean it! It is a sincere question. I have been praying about it and asking for my heart to be changed, but it is NOT easy.

How am I acting any better than the Christians who are judging and writing off the weak and needy if I am judging and writing off them???

I want to know how to love them. Sometimes I feel like I am getting it, sometimes I know I'm not. I don't think I can perfect this, but does anyone have any insight to help me learn?

I don't want to be a jerk and I don't want to be the extreme opposite of the original issue. I want to be like Jesus but I am struggling to learn how to align my heart in this area.

It's kind of hard for me to write this, but I figured it was worth it if anyone had any good advice or input.

Spoiled Clay

2009-01-31T09:10:00.005-05:00

A couple of weekends ago I went on a beach retreat with the youth from our church.

(Side note: It was FREEZING!)

One night, Brad (the youth pastor) spoke very personally about his life. He was on a rough path for most of his childhood and teenage years. He has been through a lot that I have never, and hope to never, experience.

At one point Brad recalled that at age 17 he realized (oddly enough- through the messy mistake of a Cherokee Indian potter) that his life was perfectly depicted by a mess of clay splattered all over the room.

He retold this passage from Jeremiah 18 about the potter and the clay:

'God told Jeremiah, "Up on your feet. Go to the potter's house. When you get there I'll tell you what I have to say." So I went to the potter's house and sure enough, the potter was there, working away at his wheel. Whenever the pot the potter was working on turned out badly, as sometimes happens when you are working with clay, the potter would simply start over and use the same clay to make another pot. Then God's message came to me: "Can't I do just as this potter does, people of Israel?" God's decree! "Watch this potter. In the same way this potter works his clay, I work on you, people of Israel.'

Yes, I have heard this story many times. But for a few reasons, it went straight to my heart that weekend.

MAN, I screw up a lot! I often have a bad attitude, I forget to love people, I get lazy, I get selfish, I let other people's issues drag me down, and trust me - there's plenty more to add to this list.

And that's not even mentioning the things that I don't necessarily bring on myself - it's hard to deal with some things that come your way in life - even though we try sometimes we just can't seem to "fix" ourselves. Half the time we dont' even know where the junk comes from.

THEN on top of that, I don't know about you, but realizing all of these shortcomings puts me in a worse mood and then I start letting myself feel defeated and on and on... ;)

(I know, poor me right?)

Sometimes we aren't even aware that we are broken, and sometimes we are so aware of it that we feel spread out across a room in little pieces.

There is a lot going on in life right now, for me and for several of my friends. As stinky and hard as that can be, I love remembering that my God is bigger. What a load off! :)

I am a work in progress and I am learning.

Even when it feels like you take 14 steps backwards, THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE.

Sometimes it feels like we have "turned out badly", but we can always be re-shaped.

Sometimes I think I need to remember that my clay hasn't dried yet.

This is the body

2009-01-28T10:52:00.001-05:00

Over the holidays Chris and I were asked to serve communion to our fellow church members. (basically we were asked to hold the plates). ;)
I wasn't super exicted to do it, mostly because I'm not a fan of being up in front of lots of people, but I really wasn't too concerned about it.
Well... I had no idea that it would be the experience that it was.

I LOVED serving my church family. I don't know the best way to explain why it was so cool, but just seeing each individual person and holding out the tray of bread (aka stirofoam) for them, was so great. It felt like we were not only serving each person - but also joining with them all to remind ourselves that we are about something so much bigger than ourselves. We were in it together! Make sense?

That's something that I don't often feel when I take communion. Yes, we all wait to eat and drink at the same time, but this was a totally different experience. It felt like we were actually "in communion" with each other. (what a concept, I know). Isn't that the point anyway?

As a child, that wasn't a part of my understanding of communion. Maybe I just wasn't bright enough to comprehend exactly what it was all about, but I don't remember the commuity part being explained. My understanding was - we eat bread that represents Jesus body and drink juice that represents his blood to remind us of Him because He died for us and He told us to do it. I don't mean anything disrespectfully in that statement and I don't mean to make it sound like that isn't a vital point in communion either. But even as a young adult I don't think I gained much deeper insight in this area.

I read a sermon about communion recently.
The pastor said that in some ways you can consider communion to have a two fold purpose. The first purpose being memorial - we remember what Jesus has done for us and we give thanks for it and set ourselves in line with His heart. The second purpose is fellowship - we are united in our purpose and coming together as the body of Christ to remember why we are here and what we are about as a group.
He even went on to discuss the difference between the way they took communion in the bible and the way we normally do in our churches today. In biblical times they were often gathered around a table for a meal as opposed to sitting in a pew facing the minister.
He weighs the idea that this little difference could actually have a significant impact because instead of looking our community in the eyes (which provides more sense of connection to each other) we are all looking at the director of the communion.
I wouldn't really have thought about that making much of a difference, but after experiencing communion from a different standpoint, I can say that it totally does.
It can be easy to get into the routine of church & the activities that surround it and still get sort of disconnected from each other -especially when your church has multiple services. I miss that community and I think it is so so important.

There is something powerful about taking time to remember and realize that we are united. That the story behind this ritual is why we are here. That this is what brings us together.
We are all in need of the savior that gives us true life. We are all seeking to serve him - together.
There are a lot of things that people (even in the same church) differ on. It's nice to give adequate attention to what makes us stand together.

It happened to be New Years...

2009-01-02T17:43:00.001-05:00

For a while now Chris and I have been planning to take a day or so to do some serious thinking. We have been trying to discern the direction that our lives should be going in the near future. We want to make sure that we are giving a good amount of consideration to this decision (or decisions I should say) because we are obviously not interested in blindly making a choice AND because we don't want to decide based only on our own desires/feelings. We want to be listening for and hearing God's heart more than anything.

It is so easy to just try to be comfortable wherever we are, and even though that is sometimes a temptation for us, we know that we would not be fulfilled by living that life.

We both have personal convictions regarding our need to be expressing the love of Jesus to people in need - to those who lack necessities to meet basic needs for living, those who are overlooked, and those who need to experience a relationship that recognizes their own value and worth. We want to do this wherever we are.

We know that it is Christ's love that we desire to display - whether we do it well or not - and we have realized that we will not be satisfied or fulfilled in this life unless we are following this desire .

Having said that, it obviously wouldn't make much sense for us to make a decision without seeking the will of the one who has shown us what this love even is in the first place.

A friend of Chris's sent us an evaluation with some very detailed questions that he has asked himself when he has been in the midst of life changing decisions. It is extremely well thought out and very helpful. (I don't know if he got the general idea from somewhere else or if he thought it out himself, but I honestly think the process could be published because it really is a great tool, but that is beside the point).

It just so happened that the next time both of us had a little break from work without anything else planned was New Years Eve and Day. Ironic, since most people choose that day to make decisions regarding their personal lives. We didn't plan it that way on purpose, but it's kind of cool that it worked out that way.

So we headed to Charleston for an overnight mini retreat.

I share this with you to ask for prayer. We are really thankful to have had the opportunity to start the process off well but we still have A LOT of continual thinking and discerning and praying to do, and we would really appreciate it if you could remember us.

Part of the difficulty we are having is that we feel the need and pull to follow these callings - but it's not there is a list of options lined up for us and all we have to do is choose.

Even if we decided that we need to be somewhere else - we don't have any idea where that somewhere else could be. That makes it hard to feel like we can really make any decisions. We know that trusting God to provide the opportunities is vital, it's just hard to feel like you are really deciding anything when nothing is final. BUT, we do hope that we are preparing ourselves for whenever the right opportunity does present itself and it may be that is all we can do at this point. We also need patience (I am NOT a patient person) because we really feel ready to make some changes.

We would appreciate your prayers because as routine as it may sound for christians to be seeking Gods will - it is much easier said than done when you are talking about making yourselves willing to be placed into literally ANY situation that would serve God most.

Chris and I are both practical people - we like to be prepared for things and to have a clear plan. We know that we need to release these needs in some ways because it very well could be that where God wants us is a situation that would not allow us to save money for our future children or own a house or be financially secure in any way. Some of you may have already allowed yourselves to be used in that type of situation, so it might not seem like such a stretch to you. Others of you, like us, might struggle with this decision.

Chris and I have both spent lots of time in some challenging financial situations growing up, so the thought of continuing that trend is scary to us to say the least. It is a trust issue, but as Chris has mentioned in his blog before - it's hard to decide where the line is between your duty to provide for your family and your call to spend your life in ministry. Now - we don't honestly think there is a line there.

We know that God will provide for us - or at least it's easy to SAY that you know that and HOPE that you know that - because you are SUPPOSED to know that, but that doesn't free you up to make reckless decisions, right?

I will be honest and say that what we really don't know is where the line is between using your head to make good decisions to be a good steward without being a burden to others, and forgetting that and seeking only to do ministry because it is your purpose/desire.

(By the way - anyone who finds themselves in the middle of discerning life changes (or anything for that matter) should try Lectio Divina if you don't already. It really helps to focus your thoughts and soak your mind in scripture in a personal way.)

Anyway, there is a little glimpse into our thoughts these days.

As I said - we need prayer, help us out please! ;)

Hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Years!

God is Good....

2008-12-15T20:56:00.006-05:00

So, I won't say it was the FIRST time it has ever happened, but I got distracted in the service yesterday at church. My mind wandered and somehow, from something the pastor said, I ended up thinking about the statement that...

God is good.

It's a true statement. In the past couple of years I have realized it on a new level. We make the statement and hear the statement often, and it's great that we seek to make it known, but I think it's one of those things that is easy to hear/say without really processing it's depth.

It's not just a response for when something positive happens in someone's life, though I feel like that is how we most often hear it used.

So anyway, I was thinking in church that we COULD say GOOD IS GOD instead....

Haha, I know, you are thinking "WHY would we need to do that?".

Well....we don't need to do that. I was just processing the fact that we CAN interchange those words to reinforce the meaning of the phrase.

See, it's not just that God does things that are good, therefore we can state that he IS good, it's that God DEFINES good. We know what good is because it is the essence of God. It's not Him deciding to be good, it's Him being Him!

Isn't that so perfect?

Our God IS good!

Don't know if it makes sense to anyone else, but it was a good thing for me to spend some time thinking about...even if it was during the service. ;)

Advent Conspiracy

2008-12-07T22:22:00.005-05:00

You need to watch this video!

I Am Second - Jason Castro

2008-12-05T19:19:00.004-05:00

So Chris showed me this website and it's pretty cool. It's called I Am Second and there is some info about questions that people struggle with regarding who God is and how he relates to the world. I haven't really read much of that part yet. BUT, there are also some videos of different people, some well known - some not, who are believers. They answer some questions about their personal stories, etc. We watched Jason Castro's video

I will go ahead and Admit that I watched and enjoyed American Idol last season. Jason was one of my favorites. He tells his story HERE and I found it very cool and encouraging. I think he states the important aspects of relationship with God and our purpose here without getting into the silly controversial things that sometimes seem to make celebrity believers look like weirdos. :) I thought it was cool to hear.

Cool Ways to Help :)

2008-11-24T16:07:00.020-05:00

Just thought I would share these websites in case anyone is looking for great ways to give. :)

#1. Kiva

Kiva is so cool!! Basically, you lend money (INTEREST FREE) to people in 3rd world countries who are trying to start/run their own businesses and/or establish their homes. Kiva has pictures and individual stories for each person or group that is looking to receive the loan. Chris and I saw a newscast based on this website and they talked with some of the people who are seeking the loans. They all said that while they do want help - they want to be able to pay helpers back for the aide they receive. They said that it's so much better than getting a hand out because they can work for it and feel like they have earned what they receive and not like they are a burden to others.

You don't even have to give a lot - there are multiple lenders helping each person/group so even $20 goes a long way - especially considering that some of the loans are only for a few hundred dollars total.

I just think this is the coolest. Not only do you get to give to others but you get to help encourage a business or personal dream! :) Great idea!

Since it is a loan, you do get your investment back eventually, so if you want - you can keep turning right around and putting it back into the Kiva program.

#2. Compassion International

Most people have heard of Compassion International, but just in case you haven't... ;)

Through CI you can "sponser" individual children with a monthly fee. It's $32 a month and SO worth it. You get to write letters back and forth with your child and its so sweet! Chris and I sponser Gorle from India. He is 7 and he writes us letters and draws us the cutest pictures. Compassion provides you with information about the child and their family and you can also give monetary gifts to the family a couple of times a year around holidays or birthdays, etc. (They ask that you not do it too often because other sponsored children don't always receive them.)

Here's a tip - if you decide to sponser a child - there is a list of children who have been waiting for 6 months or more for a sponsor...START THERE!!! You couldn't possibly look at one of them and NOT sponsor one!

#3. Heifer International

This is another really cool opportunity. My grandma does this in the names of each of her grandchildren every christmas. H.I. has lots of different outlets but the basic idea is that you purchase animals, etc. that will help families in need to survive continually. You can give from a big list ranging from chicks to sheep to bees to water buffalos and even trees and plants.

The coolest part: The families who receive a gift agree to donate offspring/seeds from their livestock/plants to other families who need help! So your gift keeps on giving and giving!! :)

Some of these animals are more expensive but you can also choose to pay a "share" of the cost of each gift.

#4. Universal Giving

Universal Giving is a really cool site. They exist to simplify giving. :) They provide information on lots and lots of charities and help connect you with whatever type of giving you are interested in AND - they don't even take a cut from your gift, it ALL goes to the charity of your choice! Pretty cool!

These opportunities are all so great and unique. They make me excited. :) Hopefully some of them were new to you guys and maybe something you would be interested in being involved in.

I Want to Be Like Her

2008-11-20T09:31:00.009-05:00

Mrs. Joann McKinney is one of the sweetest ladies I have ever known.

Mrs. McKinney goes to our church. I have known her for most of my life. Aside from being one of my best friends grandmother, she was my sunday school teacher in middle school. She has taught and loved more people than I could even number. Isn't that perfect?! Everytime she sees Chris or me at church she smiles so big and gives us sweet hugs. She also invites us over for dinner every now and then.

This is one of my favorite things for 2 reasons.

#1 She can cook!! (and always has dessert)

#2 Basically the whole time we are there we hear countless stories of children and teens that Mrs. Mckinney has taught over the years. Chris and I know many of those students, but even if we don't, we get to hear about them. But the thing is, Mrs Mckinney isn't just telling a story about a person. The reason we love hearing her stories is because of what they tell us about HER. Man, she LOVES every last person she tells us about and it is so clear in each story. I am convinced that she prays for each one by name...in fact I know she does.

We have had so many encouraging conversations with Mrs. Mckinney. She is SO supportive of Chris's ministry at our church. Chris - knowing she would be the perfect person for the job - recently asked her to commit to praying for the families and children we would come into contact with through the Upward Basketball & Cheerleading program. He also asked her to try to find 10 others to pray as well. ....she found over 30. :) AND asked how much her sunday school class could give to help pay for children who couldn't afford to play. (Fortunately we have never had or been willing to turn anyone away).

One time, mrs. Mckinney told me and Chris that she just didn't understand why some people get so "set in their ways" when they get older. She said that she didn't see any reason to get so upset about what songs we sing in church or how we sing them - the important thing was that we were worshipping Jesus and reaching out to others! She said that if you spend all of your time pushing your feet down into the ground and get bitter just to stay where you are on things that don't matter in eternity - you will get left behind...and she wasn't planning on doing that. Wow! (She meant left behind in your ability to be a light to others and remain an active part of your church - not Left Behind as in the book series). :)

Mrs. Mckinney is everyone's encourager. I have learned so much from her and I hope that when I grow up ;) I can be as loving and prayerful and encouraging as she is. Everyone should know a Mrs. Mckinney...

Who He Is

2008-11-12T22:34:00.003-05:00

I think that its hard for us to comprehend holiness most of the time (or maybe its just me and I should feel dumb right now). But there are a few things that have recently been on my mind on the topic.

In Isaiah 6 - the prophet Isaiah sees God on his throne and angels are around Him singing "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty"

...God IS holy.

I have tried to think to myself what that really means. The first image that comes to my head (probably because of the Isaiah 6 reference) is the image of everyone in heaven singing praises around the throne forever. Thats something that people in churches talk about often.

(I'm going to throw out there that when I was younger....ok maybe even now, I didn't really like that discussion. It might sound sac-religious to you, but to me it just sounded boring...and I didn't really think that heaven would/should be boring.)

So I started to think through this a little...

I asked myself what I am passionate about. When I think about the things that "get to me", things that make my heart go crazy, I think of seeing people turn their lives around for the good and hearing children sing to Jesus and having a deep honest conversation with someone and making a positive difference in someones life and laughing and watching children light up when they are shown love and seeing teenagers choose a better path for their futures and being able to let people know that they are SIGNIFICANT and WORTHY of love and SO much more. Those aren't just words I am writing- whether or not I am doing those things well, they are what I WANT and HOPE for - they are what "get to me". They are the deep desires inside me.

And do you know who has shown me those things? My Savior! He wants all of those things and ya know what....He actually CREATED all of those desires. WOW!

So lets go back to the throne again....can you even imagine being in the same room as the one who literally created us all? I think about how much I want all of those things I listed above and then I think of how much God must want those things...SOO much more than I ever could....and He wants them perfectly, without any selfishness. He is the one who is able to actually make them happen. He is the reason I can have the desire for good in my heart because he IS good - he defines good!

God is in that passion that I feel inside of me, and when I think about standing before his throne with that perspective....how could I do anything but love and praise him continually?? Everything that I want in this world, He stands for, He IS!

Unless you can really try to wrap your mind around what it would be like to be in the presence of the creator and beginner of our passion for good, this might seem like a bunch of crazy ranting. ;)

I'm not saying that all we will do in heaven is stand around and sing praise songs, I'm just saying that no matter what we do....we will be with Perfect Love....and I can't think of anything better when I try to take that into the little perspective I might have.

Can I just be honest about something.....

2008-10-27T10:30:00.001-04:00

Ya know what? - I don't fit in where I used to.

I'm not writing this blog to separate myself. I'm not writing it to hurt anyone's feelings or to make anyone look bad. I am writing this blog because I am learning...and I even though what I am learning and the way I have to learn it is sometimes isolating and always frustrating, I can't just stop myself from growing...and I shouldn't want to.

I am on a journey. Thats a lot of what life is, right? It should be. Hopefully we are always seeking to gain knowledge and understanding of truth. Hopefully we are always striving to know what our Father in heaven wants for us. Hopefully we are always looking at the life of our Savior for guidance. Hopefully we are always journeying.

I have been "coming to grips" with a lot of things lately. Things regarding what I see in the Christians AND Non-Christians around me and around the world and in myself. Things that I see in humanity. Things that I see in history and in the Bible. LOTS of things.

I think it's a good thing. But it's a hard thing as well.

I PRAY that no one reads this and thinks I am trying to make it seem like I am better than anyone else or that I think I have all the answers. I am simply writing this because on one hand - I'm tired of feeling like I can't admit it to many people because they don't get it, and on the other hand - because I have found that while I feel isolated and alone in this, there are really a lot of people who are thinking through the same things.

Actually... I have written and erased a few paragraphs already. This is something that is hard to put into words, but I want to make something clear. I am not doubting my faith in God or my faith in Jesus. In fact, that relationship is what I feel has been stirring my thinking.

I believe that there is truth...and it just seem like so much gets added to it and taken away from it, even by (maybe especially by) "well meaning" christians - some who I have respected and listened to, and I don't understand it. And ya know what - all I feel like I can do at this point is to keep looking at the life of Jesus.

When I look at Him, I see what it should be about. He loved - despite any specific qualities or appearances. He taught - with passion and purpose to encourage and guide and turn lives around. He wasn't tricked by money or power or looks. He spent his time living what he taught. His message was clear, but that didn't mean that he avoided certain people because they weren't "right". He went to the poor. Did I mention that he wasn't impressed by $$ and POWER and LOOKS??? Did I mention that He LOVED and gave HOPE???

These are topics that I think the church has, rightfully so, focused a lot of discussion on, but I have realized something. So often we talk about how money shouldn't matter or how someone's background or current situation shouldn't matter but ya know what - we don't live that out. We don't love people even though they are in a tough spot or worse off than we consider ourselves . We wait for someone else to do it. Or we tell ourselves it's their own fault and we actually even look at them and say "they did what God tells us not to do and thats what they get". We don't act like money doesn't matter. And some of our churches are so much about being "up and coming" and "attractive" that from the outside - it looks like they are telling the world that IS what it's about.

What if we werent worried about that?? What if we acted like Jesus? What if we simply loved people? Without making an example of them and without degrading them. Without our chests puffing up a little because we made better choices or we grew up in a better situation and we were "blessed" to be able to help them. Hey - what if there was no "US & THEM"?!

I have met lots of people who spend their time loving and teaching and helping...but I have met a whole lot more who seem to THINK that they work for the good of others....but whose actions do not show it. I have been one of them at times in my life and I am now trying to make sure that I am never that person again. I mess up, but I hope no one would ever feel "less" around me. And I have realized that a lot of my traditional church up-bringing that was/is pretty standard around here can actually isolate others from us in so many ways that we don't even realize.

I have had several conversations lately with people that I know and love that leave me....i guess frustrated is the right word. We are sometimes so quick to super-spiritualize things to the point that I don't even think we see the truth behind it all. And that is NOT what this life and this relationship with the Father is about. It's not about hushing things up with words that sound good. It's not about not letting people feel things.

Does that make any sense to anyone but me?

Do you know what the Bible says about Jesus? (lots I know, but this verse is standing out to me right now)

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Jesus Christ; who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness." Phil 2:5-7

Do you know what that means to me? Jesus never expected people to act better around him or treat him as though they understood that he was God. He became a servant to all people. Do we really understand the "attitude of Jesus Christ"? I feel like we so often think that means - BE NICE, or something equally shallow.

Holy cow, what if we Christians all actually sought to understand this and to live it out?

I am blessed to know people who do. So even though my eyes have been opened and I now see a lot that does not display Christ's love in the church, I can more clearly see what is real and I can learn from it. And I am thankful that God takes us on journey's. I am even thankful that those journeys are hard - because if they were easy I don't think my passion would be as stirred by what I learn along the way.

Did I lose any of you? If so, sorry, but I just felt like if this is my blog - I shouldn't feel like I can't write what I am really thinking just because I don't think others will get it or agree with it. I'm done with that. :)

Thank you to the people I know who area truly displaying the love of Christ - to everyone.

I guess sometimes not fitting in with the same crowd doesn't mean you don't fit in anywhere.. :)

Upward Season Again!

2008-10-15T13:00:00.007-04:00

So Chris is getting ready to start his 2nd season of Directing Upward Basketball! And this year - we will have Cheerleading too! (haha - which will be very entertaining I am sure)! I am very excited because last year it was so much fun. It's hard because it takes up a lot of time, including our Saturdays for a couple of months but it is definitely worth it. I LOVE getting to interact with the kids and helping them learn new skills and watching them light up when you encourage them. I tear up A LOT - Haha -I can't help it!!
A lot of the kids that join our league have tough home situations and have had hard lives...even though they are so young. They just LOVE feeling wanted and included. I love being able to give that to them...even if it is just for a little while each week. They melt my heart!
I am so proud of Chris for all the time and work and love he puts into running the program. He takes time to speak with all of the parents personally as often as he can and he is so patient and encouraging with all of the kids. I can see how God uses him and his sincere care for others in his job so much. He is one in a million!! And he will do a great job again this year! I can't wait to help. :)

Another Awesome Book

2008-10-07T15:18:00.005-04:00

So, I might end up blogging about books that I read pretty often, cause I read a lot. I went through a stage where I didn't really read very many fiction books, but I can't help it - I LOVE fiction...when it has a purpose.

Books like The Chronicles of Narnia, Hinds Feet on High Places, Safely Home (which i recently posted about) and Redeeming Love are some of the best ever. I love non fiction too, but its not as comforting as fiction for some reason. I love finding the deeper, hidden meanings and all that they make me think of.

Well, I can add The Shack to the list. Some conservative christians have slammed it...I guess it's not picture perfect enough for them. (It's a fiction book for a reason, have some imagination people). ;) But a lot of christians have also praised the author for the depth and insight he shares through his writing.

For someone like myself who sometimes struggles with grasping the depth of the love that God has for us, this book was very encouraging. I don't want to give away the story so I won't go into the details of why, but if you let it, this book will teach you.

I first heard about it from my friend John who suggested that EVERYONE read it. I'm glad I took his advice, it is definitely one of my favorites.

Over the past year....

2008-10-02T10:53:00.021-04:00

Chris and I recently celebrated our 1st anniversary! September 22. We had the chance to get away to the beach for the weekend and it was really nice. We spent a lot of time thinking and talking about everything that we have experienced over the last year of our marriage. It's been a great year - the best of my life actually - and I am so thankful that I can honestly say that.

Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean that everything has been "sunshine and rainbows."
(I have problems with people acting like everything is perfect and never admitting that we all struggle in some ways. I don't understand why we think we need to be able to say that.) It's not like we have faced terribly awful things, but we have faced some tough things in a years' time. There have been really frustrating job situations, NEW jobs, deaths, moves, lots of unknowns, and more - and its tough to add regular life onto learning what it means to be a God-centered married couple and how to even BE married at all (clearly we never had been before and there is definitely lots to learn).

But, even with all of those things popping up into our lives, it has seriously still been the best year of my life so far. We have worked together through Chris's job on ministries created to reach families and children and it has been SO much fun and so worth the time and effort! We have gone to a lot of fun places! We got a puppy! We moved into a house (renting)! We have gotten to know each other's friends, and gained more! We have learned how to communicate better and how to make decisions together as a couple!

Basically, what it comes down to, is that I married a godly, thoughtful, sincere, and loving man and I think I am one of the luckiest girls in the whole wide world! He loves me better than any person on earth ever has!

I posted some pictures of us from the past year... On our wedding day, some family friends suprised us with a limo. :)

Sometimes I just wanna wear my dress again! ;)

We spent our honeymoon on an Island in Maine...it was gorgeous.

AND we go to see the SOX on the GREEN MONSTER!

We spent the 1st 8 months in an apt, its a good memory... but we are SO thankful to be in a house now. :)

We have been able to go on a lot of little weekend trips in the past year, its been really nice to get away together. This one is in Charleston - one of our favorite places.

What can I say, I love him!

We both love being outside so we do that a lot too! (especially now that its fall!!!)

We have been to a gazillion weddings together in the past year too. :) I hope all of you guys have the best 1st year ever too!

Vacation pictures

2008-09-21T22:51:00.009-04:00

Chris and I went on vacation to New England last month, here are a couple of pictures. It was so beautiful and fun. :) You guys should all go sometime if you haven't.

New York (thats manhattan in the background)
Newport, RI
This is at Eastern Nazarene College (Chris's Alma Mater) where we first decided that we wanted to date. :)
At Plymouth Rock

"Safely Home"

2008-08-26T16:01:00.002-04:00

My cousin Sarah recommended THIS book to me right before Chris and I went to NYC & Boston. I didn't know if I would have any time to read besides on the plane, but I love to read so I got the book and figured I would get to it at some point.
Well I ended up reading it pretty quickly because it is so amazing that I could hardly put it down.

I don't want to give away the story, but EVERYONE should read it.

It has changed my worldview in so many ways, and opened my eyes to realities that I was blind to.

I already know a few other people who have read it and they all agree with me so you need to read it! :) It will grow you, I promise. AND it will make you cry, but that's ok.

Do it! ;)

This stirs my passion...

2008-08-25T15:50:00.011-04:00

I read this quote below in a blog that I really like. I think it's excitingly true. Sometimes it seems like so much of what "the church" (in America) gives so much of it's time to is fluff....nice stuff I guess, but its not the core. So much entertaining and eye catching - but no depth. It sounds weird to say its exciting that some stuff is meaningless, but it is. Because if that were where the meaning was...it would be depressing, but ITS NOT. :)!! We have so much more! We have hope and truth and love! We don't need a flashy way to share it, we just need the real thing. I love that we are creative beings, but that doesn't change what people need - we all need one thing...

"There is a place for media, for creating atmospheres for conversation and growth, for writing and being creative, for sharing what God has taught us, and for sharing food within our congregations. However we must re-orient all of it so that it is subject to the cross. Everything we do as the Bride of Christ must be done in such a way as that the Good News of our Lord Jesus Christ takes prominence in all things. Unless it is telling the story of the Good News of the Kingdom of God, it is meaningless. Unless it is coming alongside people where they are at, it is meaningless. Unless it is reaching those that are not yet Christ's followers it is meaningless. Unless it is focused on maturing those who have become Christ's followers it is meaningless. But mostly if we are not cultivating mature Christian's that go out to where the hurt and lost are at it is meaningless. In other words it is all about becoming part of the ongoing Mission of God. And that is a mission too grand and wondrous to be packaged, marketed, and sold." - David Brush

I love that we can go to "where the hurt and lost are" with hope. We are all hurt at lost sometimes. And we all need the hope that Jesus gives us. And its free!! :) We don't have to trick people's eyes or minds into the real thing, it is what it is, and its good.

Lily!

2008-07-08T16:55:00.005-04:00

Yay, we have a dog! :) Chris and I got a spaniel mix puppy named Lillian - we call her Lily. We adopted her from a pet resort that also takes in/finds homes for abandoned animals. Lily was found all alone. :( She is about 10 months old now and so cute! I have never seen a dog who wants to cuddle so much! She just wants to lay around on us or jump around on us when she is ready to play. There is only one problem....Lily dislikes pretty much EVERYONE but us.

Anytime other people are around...especially in our house...she stiffens up and keeps her distance. Sometimes she even growls at them. It makes me upset because she is so much fun and I want other people to see that too.

We think that she was abused in some way before she came to live with us. We took her to my brothers baseball game and we were sitting behind the batting box...when a player stood there and swung the bat...she flipped out. She was scared of the bat. She also cowers when I ge out the broom :( It makes me so sad.

We are hoping that she will get to the point where she is comfortable with others...so far she is only comfortable with us and my brothers girlfriend (haha, I don't know what it is, but she likes her). We need the dog whisperer or somethin'!

Regardless of her edgyness around other people we have a lot of fun with her and love her very much. She loves being squished between both of us more than anything. I guess she feels safe there. I just hope we can help her get used to others!

I Love Chuck-town...

2008-06-12T15:17:00.005-04:00

Charleston is one of my most favorite places in the wide world! Growing up in S.C., I spent weekends there with my family. We rented bikes, went to the market, played in the fountains, and went to Folly Beach. It was always so much fun. In college I spent some time there visiting my friend Erin. THEN, I graduated and actually got to live there with her for a while. (She is such an amazing friend that she let me live with her rent free!!) This was an interesting time in my life. I was so excited to move and then boom - I was out of college for good and had to face the fact that it was time to start working to survive. Charleston was a transition place for me. It feels like home even though I only really lived there a few months.

Sometimes there are aspects of "ole' SC" that I don't want to embrace. Some things about the South aren't my most favorite...but Charleston does not fall into that category. Atleast a few times a week something reminds me of how much I wish I could be there.

Chris and I go as often as we can...who knows, maybe one day we will live there together. :) But whether we do or not...it's always going to feel like home.

Kids Are The Best!

2008-06-09T19:25:00.002-04:00

I am a girl who LOVES being around kids. I believe that God gives all of us different passions to shape who we are and what we will do with our lives. I know that working with children is in his plan for me. I don't know many people who don't "like" kids, but I sometimes think that there are a lot of people who, though the like them, don't really understand them. I feel like I have insight in this area, and it's an amazing thing to try to figure out what is going on in those heads. I love giving them a little more freedom than most adults do - not in a dangerous way - but just to see what they do with it. It's usually very entertaining. :)
I do get lots of laughs and good stories from stuff like that, but I think the real reason I enjoy it so much has a deeper origin. As a toddler I lost my mom to cancer. I was barely 2, so I don't remember much about her from that time. What I do remember is knowing that all of the adults around me had no idea that I understood anything that was going on. I remember sitting in a room full of people and being fully aware of every conversation in the room...and knowing that to the people there - I was blissfully ignorant "as a child should be". They could not have been more wrong. From personal experience I know what it's like to not be taken seriously as a child, and it can be damaging. (I want to point out that while I am aware of these things, I hold no one responsible. My family did the best that they knew to do and they loved and cared for me through the hardest thing any of us could face.) I only point this out to say that it has shaped me. It has given me a heart that fights for the good of the children that I meet; a heart that gives them a fair chance to understand and to ask and to grow. A heart that will always seek to make sure that the children around me are never overlooked. Sometimes all they need is someone to listen, to treat them as though they have valuable thoughts and worthy minds....even if they are only 1 and 1/2 years old.
I have many opportunities to work with kids - through my husbands job, family members, and friends who already have their own (I still like when I can give them back after a few hours - not time for our own yet ;) ) and I am thankful for all of these things. I feel in my heart that God has given me this passion for more than just part time. I don't know how that will play out - especially since my college education did not focus in this area and I'm not sure I want to teach in a classroom - but I am constantly asking that He will show me how to use it. I want to know!! It excites me to think of the possibilities (what would it be like to LIKE my job?!?! Haha.) But whether it becomes a career or not, I am thankful for this gift. I am thankful that this is part of who I am.
I spent hours last night playing with our friends' son, Wesley. He is so smart and cute and makes me laugh so much. He recently learned how to say my name which comes out "Gee-gee"...at least he's got the correct # of syllables, right? :) He is going to be the worlds best drummer some day...and I think I will buy him his 1st drum set for his 2nd birthday next month. (His parents will love it!)

Oh, and the picture at the top is me...back when I could eat ice cream. I think I was pretty cool. :)

This is who I am

2008-06-08T23:30:00.002-04:00

I'm still not sure about this blogging thing. I don't know yet if I will keep up with it, but we will see. I'm not sure what direction it's going to go, but I've been realizing some things that make me who I am lately...small things - but things none-the-less. :) I think if/when I start...I will start there....